i am a fifteen year old who has been compelled to research Cthulhu, Cosmicism and the Mythos. this is not a recent thing, when i was around ten, im still not sure why to this day, i woke up at around two in the morning and felt the urge to research Cthulhu and the mythos. im not sure if it was a call since i dont recall having a dream of any sort that night, but i just had the urge to. i did a tiny bit of research, then my young little eyes got tired and i fell back asleep.
when i woke up the next morning, my mother began to question me on all of the stuff i was researching, as time goes on, about a month later the urge fizzles out and and i send it all to the back of my mind.
Recently, since ive moved house two years ago as of now, ive began to think of the universe as a whole, i guess you could say contemplating. and it came to my attention that, i dont matter, no one matters really, we are just a rain drop in the storm that is the universe, and that no one else would understand so i kept quiet. then it came back, the urge, but now, its stronger and i feel as if somethings in my head. ive been waking up in the middle of nights (im a heavy sleeper) which is very abnormal for me, ive been doing things subconsciously, i feel as if theres another person with me, but theyre not at the same time, as if, theyre inside of me.
i felt compelled to research again and ive been trying to seek help with no success, and so im here. if anyone could tell me whats going on thatd be great, if its a call, if its something else, or im just going crazy. if it is a call then what should i do. could someone please tell me what i should do.
Ia, Ia cthulhu
(im aware the chant is mispelt since my keyboard cant do the letters, or im not aware how to)